dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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