For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
