I got chris browned last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
