Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
