Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
