BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
