True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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