I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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