my vag is so smooth its legendary
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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