I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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