He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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