i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
