I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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