I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize