I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
