well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
