You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
