This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
