Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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