toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
