I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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