i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
