worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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