youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You work out of a Hotel?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
