hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
