so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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