guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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