is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
