Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
