I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
