I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
