im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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