Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
