Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
