some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize