Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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