Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
