got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
