I cockslap morals
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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