I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
