i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
