I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
