so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
