I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
