these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
