South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
