Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
