and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
