she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
