I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Randomize
