Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
