i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
