just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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