you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
