you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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