3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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