my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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