she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
