I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
