hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
two words: eviction party
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
