They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
