is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
