i don't like sucking hair
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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