So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
