Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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