3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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