I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
