If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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