her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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