in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
