Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
