i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
