i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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